We had been asked to write a note of encouragement, but I felt ridiculous trying to offer encouragement to someone in such a different place than I have ever been in as a mother. Then as I thought about it I realized we are not so different after all. Our particular circumstances of entering into motherhood are wildly disparate, yet our position in motherhood is exactly the same. We are both completely desperate for God's grace to cover us and our children. And I wanted to her to know - the grace we need, it is there and it is abundant.
So I may have gotten a little carried away with my "note" but I was overflowing with the hope of this truth. And since I need to hear it again and again, I was really writing to myself as well as my friend. And to all new mothers, or not-so-new mothers, like myself. THERE IS GRACE.
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Dear Jen,
It’s kind of funny to be in this position – a mother of 8.5
years to four children attempting to offer encouragement to a new mother… whose
soon to arrive daughter is older than my oldest! You are in a unique position entering into
motherhood for many reasons and there is so much that the mothers surrounding
you do not know about it. But here is one thing we all know well and can
testify to, and it is the greatest encouragement there is to give or receive – there
is GRACE.
As in all areas of life, our only hope is in the grace of
God. This can be a relief – “Whew! It’s not all up to me!” And it can be a big
panic – “Wait… you mean I don’t have any control over this?!?” As a mother my
greatest struggle is wanting to control life so that my children are protected
and cared for perfectly and so that they grow to embrace the Truth and follow
it with their whole lives. But I can’t control any of these things – and it
kills me. And not only that, I see the things I want to protect them from
coming from myself – impatience,
judgment, dismissal, inattentiveness. My sinful, selfish nature is challenged
and put through the refining fire by the constant need that calls me to deny
myself and put another (or several others) before myself and it brings out the
dross – often in ways that are very visible and impacting to these little
people that I love so fiercely. And I am overwhelmed and undone.
God, I want the best
for these children and I’m giving them the worst! I can’t do this! I can’t be
present all the time and I can’t guarantee their safety. I can’t see into their
hearts to understand what is going on there, what the needs are, much less
change their hearts and bestow an understanding of who you are. I can’t even
protect them from myself and my impatience and fear and selfishness! I can’t
give enough; I can’t BE enough!
EXACTLY. We can never be enough. It is in the moment that we
acknowledge and accept this that grace becomes a relief instead of a
threat. Grace doesn’t take away any
control from us; there was never any control in the first place. It was only an
illusion. When we can see past that illusion and let go of it, THEN grace comes
swooping in, a blessed relief.
In my experience, there is nothing like motherhood to bring
you to the end of yourself and show you just how not-in-control and desperate
for God’s grace that you are. That can be a miserable place or a refreshing
place. For me personally it is usually the first place before I arrive at the
second place. But, O, how sweet the relief when I let it go and put my trust
once again where it has always belonged – with the Trustworthy, Faithful One.
He is FOR you, Jen, and for Anna. HE is in control, so you don’t have to be. HE
is enough, so you don’t have to be. That doesn’t mean that what you do doesn’t
matter – incredibly, He chooses to use us, to let us be a part of what He is
doing. But He doesn’t depend on you. He
is not waiting for you to hold up your end of the bargain – that defies the
very essence of grace, which is FREE. There is freedom and rest in this. He
holds you both, tenderly and full of love. “Underneath are the everlasting
arms.” (Deut. 33:27)
With you and for you,
Laura
Laura
PS. My favorite parenting book is not a parenting book at
all, but a book that has opened my eyes to God’s grace like no other book ever
has – “One Way Love: Inexhaustible Grace for an Exhausted World” by Tullian
Tchividjian (Billy Graham’s grandson). A very easy read and full of HOPE.
