Walk (A '31 Days' Post)

Walk. Put one foot in front of the other. Just keep going. Get back up when you fall. Don’t stop. Slow down if you have to, but keep moving.

This is the most rudimentary form of transporting yourself from one place to another. You are not stuck. You can put your foot out in front one more time. And again. And again. We’re not in a race. We’re in this for the long haul. Whatever this is. You are not the same person you were yesterday. You are not in the same place you were yesterday. You will not be where you are now tomorrow. 

It may not get you anywhere fast, but what is the hurry? We are on a journey for life. We keep going, keep moving, keep changing. There is always hope. Because there is One who walks with us, in the yoke beside us, leading us, shouldering our burdens as we walk on. And on. And on. And He will not leave us where we are or leave us as we are. So we walk, day by day, with Him.

I'm joining the 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes project this year for some inspiration and a kick in the pants to just write something, anything each day. It is a challenge for my "recovering perfectionist" self to plop down words as they come to mind for 5 minutes (only!) and let them loose on the internet with little to no editing. But I hope the process will free and exercise my brain to express with greater ease and clarity the many vague thoughts that long for more definition and development, however imperfect they are. 

For more '31 Days' Posts click here or on the tab at the top of the page.

For Leo (aka Bale)

  My heart is heavy for Leo tonight, and for all of the orphans who have been participating in this “America vacation” over the last few weeks. He will head back to China in just a few short days. Back to an orphanage.  To a society where he is considered “bad luck” because he is an orphan. To a place where, in two short years, he leaves what little care he has in the orphanage to be let loose in the society that has no place for him… at the age of 14. The prospects for him are terrible.

So far no family has stepped forward to make him their own. I hope that the publicity that he has received through this hosting program will put his story out there enough for someone to connect to his face and his story and bring him into a family of his own. That is one of the main points of this program, to be sure. Though Leo himself has no idea of it, his host family has been advocating for him and trying to get a better idea of his medical needs (a special diet low in protein for his PKU), abilities, and personality so that any interested family can know as much as possible about him.

But Leo himself has no idea of any of this. He has just been told that he is on a vacation in America. And now he is leaving the family that is hosting him to go back to the orphanage. What must be going on in his heart? What would it be like to be a part of a family for a few weeks and then sent away? What would it be like to see the extravagance of the American lifestyle and then be sent back to the scarcity of the orphanage? What is his perception of this whole experience? Was it just a fun, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Is he confused, thinking that he is being rejected because he didn’t measure up somehow? 

What must it be like to see the incredible wealth, enormous houses (compared to China), and wide open space in America, the seemingly endless resources, and to be sent away because there was no room for you? Maybe he doesn’t think of it that way at all, but I can’t help but think that way. To whom much is given… 

I hope that this short time with a family has given his heart a glimpse of real love that will leave him soft to messages of real love in the future. I hope that it is preparing him for a family of his own… soon! Before he “ages out” of the system in two years and is ineligible for adoption. Before he grows hard and despairing. Before the only “family” that is available to him is the drug trade that preys on these orphans with their need and desire to belong. Ultimately, I hope it prepares him to be adopted into the family of God. 

Yes, my heart is heavy tonight. But it is also hopeful. He IS loved and wanted. Who, though, will be the messenger of this hope, the demonstration of this love… to him?

Choose Your Poison

Of all the posts I've seen against letting Syrian refugees into our country the one that has saddened me the most is one that "explains" the issue in this way: "If you have 10,000 m&ms and you know that 10 of them are poisoned then how many of you would still eat them."  This analogy devalues the lives of these refugees making them as expendable as bad chocolate. Of course we would not choose to eat cheap candy when we know some of it is poisoned - it's just junk anyway. How, oh, HOW can we look on these refugees in the same way??? I hope we see them as more than that.

I believe there are many ways to look at this crisis and how we should respond, legitimate reasons to consider both "sides," but this is not one of them! The power of this argument lies in sucking out all emotion, compassion, and empathy out of the decision which it does by making the object of the debate a thing rather than a person. This kind of dehumanizing tactic is has been used for abortion, slavery, and genocide. Obviously for most of us, even those against letting Syrian refugees into our home countries, our object is not to devalue the lives of these people, but that is why we must be very careful about using this kind of cheap rhetoric. The whole intent of this reasoning is to make the issue seem like a clear, logical choice which only an idiot would deny. But this is not a simple textbook logic problem. And we are not talking about colorful, candy-coated chocolate. These are our brothers and sisters. Our children. These are people.

Perhaps a better analogy would be this: If you are watching a ship with 10,000 people sinking off the coast near your home and you know that 10 of them are serial killers, should you go rescue any of them when you face the risk of bringing a serial killer into your city? Look at that mama trying to hold her baby above the water. Look at the little girl clinging to her teddy bear. Look at that boy trying to help his injured father. Look in their faces. And then make your decision.

Bale, You Are Valued

Sometimes my kids really surprise, bless, and challenge me with their simple acceptance of Truth. Tonight we were praying for "our" little Bale, the little boy at an orphanage over here that we have committed to pray for every day. Katie was praying for him - for him to "get better" and to get a family and she proceeded to thank God for him and for "bringing him into this world."

I may have leaked a few tears and I am ashamed to admit that it hadn't occurred to me to thank God for his life... or the lives of any of the many lonely children who don't have the love of a family. I hadn't thought it consciously, but Katie's prayer opened my eyes to a subconscious devaluing of the lives of orphans, counting them as something like a mistake and a sorrow.

I hate the thought of their suffering and so I have not valued their existence as I should. I have not been thankful for them as people - only sorrowed over them as tragedy. But they are NOT a mistake! These precious ones are as intentionally created, as carefully formed, as beautifully loved, and as sacrificially redeemed as my own fiercely loved children. They are unique, eternal souls that reflect the glory of their Maker in a way that no other person ever could. Their lives have meaning and significance and VALUE.

I never consciously thought the opposite; in fact I thought that I did value them and that was why I was praying for them and seeking to care for them in other ways. But I hadn't thanked God for them. I hadn't given Him glory for His amazing creation, displayed specially in each one. That changed tonight, thanks to my little Katie Grace. 

The tragedy of the situation of orphans lies not in their existence, but in the circumstances that led to them being orphaned. It lies in the oppression and abuse and neglect that haunts them now. It lies in the corruption and selfishness that swallow up resources that should be used to care for them. But it NEVER lies in their person. They are treasures and from now on I will THANK God for their lives!

Suffering - Morbid or Hopeful?

Is suffering a morbid topic? It certainly seems so in Western society today. With our increasingly “connected” world of television, internet, and social media we are more privy to the suffering of the world than ever before. Yet at the same time it seems we less privy to the sufferings of our neighbor as we feel the need to hide our personal struggles. Is it only in the church that we feel the need to “put on a brave face” and act like everything is okay? I was recently enlightened to the struggle of a friend back in the states and it drove in deeper to me the need to deal openly and hopefully with the issue of suffering in all its various forms.

I’ve spent a lot of time wrestling through a Scriptural understanding of suffering and have found it to be incredibly hopeful and strengthening - not morbid at all but rather full of life! I find my deepest distress in suffering comes from fearing and avoiding it as though it is unusual, shocking, and indicative of something terribly wrong with the individual who is suffering. It is in the illusion of being able to control life so as to avoid anything unpleasant, or at least to avoid great pain, that I have found the greatest struggle with suffering. If I can only juggle life just right then I can guarantee a mostly pain-free life for myself, my children, and all those dear to me. This lie leaves me feeling panicked, overwhelmed, exhausted, and terrified of suffering. On the other hand, when I accept that trouble is a given, a promised part of this life (John 16:33) then I find so much rest and relief in relinquishing control to the only One who really has control in the first place.

Recently our women’s group here began studying through Elisabeth Elliot’s A Path Through Suffering. It was given to me years ago when I was going through a great loss, but I didn’t read it at the time because I didn’t want to think more about suffering than I already was. (It felt like a morbid topic at the time!) Now as our group studies it together I wish I had read it many years ago and re-read it every year since! It is so profoundly full of hope that I find myself picking it up often to read, re-read, contemplate and prepare for our meetings because I am drawn to E.E.’s uplifting testimony and powerfully simple sharing of Scripture - living and active able to infuse our suffering with living hope. Brett tells me he’s proud of me for putting so much work into it, but really it’s my re-charging time that I look forward to. (After all, it beats meal planning and grading schoolwork!)

It is not only for the great suffering of life, but also for the “little ‘s’ suffering” that we all encounter on a daily basis. It is not only for the one whose world has flipped upside down, but just as much for the one who struggles with the little deaths that must be suffered every day as we live our lives not for ourselves. It is perhaps mostly for the one who, like me, is prone to fear suffering and feels the panic and terror of trying to control life to keep suffering at bay.

Obviously I strongly recommend that everyone buys and reads and highlights and discusses and shares this book for themselves, but over the next few weeks I hope be sharing some of the points that have impacted me the most with the desire that it will equally bless others who are living in this world of suffering.

In my opinion, the greatest strength of E.E.’s testimony lies in her simple acceptance of what Scripture has to say about suffering and her affirmation of the Truth in the way she lived her life. The same Word with all its life is open to each of us to equip us to walk this road to the glorious and promised end of a place with no suffering, where all of our present sufferings are redeemed to the glory of God and the joy of His people.

Rainy Season Lessons

Rainy day outing.

Rainy season is our “autumn” over here. Our actual autumn is more like spring. Sweet, cool nights but warm days, bright sun and deep blue skies, flowers everywhere. Sadly, it’s a rare tree that changes color, but the high elevation and low latitude of our area make for generally lovely weather. So lovely, in fact, that there is no central heat or air here. Most of the year this works just fine, but we did finally buy a wood stove for the cold-concrete winters and there are a few sweltering weeks each summer where we contemplate putting in a window unit, but they are gone before we can act on it and we receive our annual justification for putting that purchase off.

So autumn is like a second spring before it slips smoothly into a clear, cold winter, and late summer’s rainy season is our fall. Cool breezy days, overcast skies that clear up frequently enough to remind us of the rich blue firmament we so love, ethereal mists in the mountains, jeans and light hoodies to keep warm. And the ability to once again enjoy a hot cup of coffee without sweating over it. We leave our windows open to enjoy the fresh breeze and rush to shut them when the rain picks up and blows in sideways.  We keep our lamps on most of the day, dream of fires in our wood stove, though it’s not cold enough for them yet, and find ourselves humming Christmas songs. In August. 

Though I still miss a good mid-south autumn, with flaming trees and crisp, cold air and the lonesome calls of geese and blackbirds, I am learning to see the beauty of our new home. To enjoy where I am. To pick out the joys of rainy season and focus on those. To adapt to THIS life, not one I sometimes dream of. To finally get over wet feet and buy a pair of nice rain boots. (When you know it has taken me 7 years to make that purchase you know that a window AC is nowhere in our future!)  Rainy season doesn’t replace a true autumn, but it has its own beauty. And I am thankful.

Misty morning at the lake.